Harry Potter and the Random Randomness
by I'veGotTheConch
Summary: Dobby warns Harry that strange things will be happening soon. Little does he know how strange they will be... Oodles of crossovers! and it's finished! so please read and review! thanx from the authoresses!


Summary: Dobby warns Harry that strange things will be happening soon. Little does he know how strange they will be.

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Disclaimer: Obviously we don't own any of the characters, and most of the lines and Fanfiction is being horribly mean rubbing that in our face...

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Prologue:

It was the summer before Harry's seventh year, he lay on his bed in number four Privet Drive thinking. Thinking about nothing in particular. All of the sudden he heard the familiar _pop_ of someone apparating into his room.

He turned around to see who had entered his room to meet two giant tennis-ball sized eyes staring back at him.

"Dobby?" Harry asked, falling off his bed. After more examination of Dobby, he noticed that Dobby wore a hot pink toga and a green sombrero with blue knitted ear flaps. "Dobby, don't ever do that again!" Harry yelled.

"Dobby is sorry, Harry Potter," the elf squeaked, "but Dobby must warn Harry Potter, sir."

"Wait, you promised not to save my life again."

Dobby reached for Harry's lamp, but Harry got it before he did. "Don't hurt yourself, Dobby."

"Dobby must warn Harry Potter! Bad things will be happening soon!" the elf squeaked, his voice becoming desperate.

"Okay, what things?" Harry asked, humoring the poor elf.

"I cannot say what, but very peculiar things will be happening this year!" and with that the elf vanished.

"Hmm…" Harry sat back on his bed, "I wonder what Dobby meant."

He would soon be finding out what exactly Dobby meant.

The story:

Harry decided he should go over to Ron's and tell him about this strange visit. He got up and apparated (using the three D's method, of course!) to Ron's house. He was met with a very unpleasant sight: Ron and Hermione were snogging on the Weasley's couch.

"Get a room!" Harry yelled, averting his eyes.

"Harry, when did you come here?" Hermione asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"I just got here."

Awkward silence… still silence… are you just going to keep staring at each other, or is one of you going to break the silence?… Come on!…

"Dobby just came over, he said some weird things were going to happen," Harry finally said. "I can see they've already started…" he mumbled.

"What did you say?" Hermione demanded.

"Nothing."

"Let's go to the Leaky Cauldron," Ron suggested after an hour of arguing what to do.

"Okay," Harry and Hermione said together.

The three flooed to the Leaky Cauldron and sat down at the bar. "Hi Tom, three Butterbeers," Harry said, taking out some wizard money.

"Sorry, but we're all out of Butterbeer… and rum," Tom said, cleaning a glass.

From out of nowhere a ratty-looking, but somehow extremely sexy, pirate appeared and began shouting at Tom, "But why is the rum gone!"

Everyone was shocked at this apparrition, especially Hermione. "Jack?" she asked.

The pirate winked at her and within the blink of an eye he was gone.

"Who was that?" Ron demanded, sounding much more jealous than he had intended.

"O, just an old… friend," she said, somewhat dreamily.

After Ron had calmed down, they decided to order their meals. All three ordered sandwiches, and Ron made sure to clarify that he wanted absolutely no trace mayonnaise on his. "Bleck, I hate mayonnaise!" he said grimacing.

"Mayonnaise? I love mayonnaise!" yet another pirate said appearing out of thin air as the first. The pirate then pulled out a jar of mayonnaise and a spoon and began eating as he walked out to muggle London.

During their meal a woman known as Frau by her students walked into the Leaky Cauldron. She sat at the bar next to Harry and gazed at her napkin. She picked it up smiling turned to Harry saying, "Das ist weiss!" nodding her head enthusiastically.

Pig suddenly appeared from out of the fireplace. He landed in front of Harry, spilling ashes on his plate. Harry decided he should not finish his sandwich. Harry took the letter from his leg and unrolled the scroll of parchment.

"Your mum says we need to get home now," Harry said, stuffing the piece of parchment in his pocket.

"Auf Wiedersehen!" Frau said, still holding her napkin.

Harry, Ron and Hermione arrived home shortly. They said hello to Mrs. Weasley and quickly went upstairs, they had certain things to discuss.

They got to the room and shut the door but not before Ginny slipped in.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Ginny asked.

"What are you, turning American on us?" Ron asked staring flabbergasted at his younger sister.

"_Americans_." A man in 1930s apparel in his mid-thirties said appearing out of mid-air.

"Jonathon?" Hermione exclaimed her eyes almost popping out of their sockets.

Jonathon then smirked at Hermione and disappeared.

Hermione mumbled something where "ex-boyfriends" was audible.

Ron fell off his bed and yelled, "What! Ex-boyfriends!"

Hermione turned a loverly shade of scarlet that clashed horribly with her hair.

Suddenly a blue fat guy that was slightly transparent appeared in front of them.

"First, that fez and vest combo is much too third century. These patches -what are we trying to say- beggar? No! Let's work with me here."

"Bloody, Genie?"

Then the blue guy disappeared and Ron stared wide-eyed, mouth agape, at Hermione.

"How the bloody hell do you know all these people!"

Hermione shifted her eyes.

"Uhhhh…. Internet." A little boy with a dorky, pink hat popped up.

"Oh my God! Not another!" Hermione yelled staring at the boy she knew as Timmy Turner.

The boy was gone again in no more than half a second.

Ron stood up and banged his head against the wall thinking, what have I gotten myself into!

Harry got up and put a hand on Ron's shoulder, "It's okay mate." He said holding back a chuckle.

"That's easy for you to say! Your girlfriends not a whore!" Ron yelled.

Hermione got up and slapped Ron across the face leaving a dark red handprint on his cheek.

Ginny shifted uncomfortably and blushed a pale pink, which no one noticed.

They all eventually settled back down though Ron had trouble looking Hermione in the eye until a thought crossed his mind and he looked at her with longing.

Harry noticed this and quickly looked away not wanting to imagine what was going through his friend's mind.

They got to discussing the real reason they were all there; Dobby and their future mission.

They got into a heated debate.

"Well if not that then what should we do!" Hermione yelled.

There was a pop.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

Hermione blushed an even deeper red then before, Rhett was more than just a lover.

He was gone.

Harry had noticed Hermione's blush but thankfully Ron was looking the other way. He blushed slightly to himself at the realization of Hermione's explicit love life.

They had quickly gotten into a yelling match; each trying to make their point over the other. Then suddenly…

"I've got the conch!" A pudgy preteen boy said appearing cradling a bleached conch shell in his arms.

"Piggy? I thought you died…" Hermione said.

Piggy shifted his eyes.

"I-"

"Shut up fatty!" Another boy with red hair and freckles said appearing across the room from Piggy.

"Jack…" Ginny said surprised.

"His name's not fatty! It's Piggy!" Another boy with fair hair said appearing next to Piggy.

"RALPH!" Hermione squealed jumping into his arms and kissing him passionately on the lips.

Ralph wrapped his arms around her and didn't hesitate to act friendly back towards her.

Ron jumped up from his seat, his face flushed a deep scarlet, and pounced on Ralph. He threw a punch at him and hit him square in the jaw.

Suddenly out out of thin air a woman with red hair popped in and grabbed hold of Jack. "I'll never let go Jack! I'll never let go!"

"Jack! Do you know her!" Ginny demanded, looking furious and jealous.

"Rose?" Harry asked, staring at the woman.

She smiled at him and within the blink of an eye, she was gone.

Then all three of the boys disappeared Piggy muttering something along the lines of "That Jack Merridew."

Ron muttered something like, "Am I the only one…"

Hermione got up from the ground quite embarrassed and sat down on a stool sitting in the corner away from the rest (and she put on a dunce cap!)

"Anyway, moving on…" Harry began hoping they really could.

"Harry, we'll never agree on anything, and with all these interruptions and all, we're just wasting time." Ginny said.

"If you knew time as well as I do you wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's him, you know." A short man with a tall hat said appearing and then disappearing again.

"Wait, I don't get it." Ron said stupidly.

"Are you incapable of listening?" A large worm-like creature asked, staring at Ron.

"Leto?" Hermione asked staring at the worm.

"I have ears, here and here!" Ron said pointing to his ears.

"But they do not hear. Therefore you have no ears, neither here, nor hear." Leto said, clearly trying to confuse the poor redhead.

"These strange words…" Ron began.

"They are but words. I spoke them, they are gone. If they no longer exist, perhaps they can be made to exist again." And with that Leto was gone, Leaving an even more confused redhead behind.

Over the next year, Harry, Ron, and Hermione found all of the horcruxes and found ways to destroy them. But the strange appearances, most Hermione's past lovers, did not stop. Finally they were on their chase to find Voldemort. But before that, they had to stop by the Burrow for one last meal, hopefully not their last meal ever.

Mrs. Weasley went overboard and cooked all of their favorite foods. During the meal, an old man, who was wearing a brown cloak over a white tunic, carrying a small, silver cylinder on his belt, appeared.

"May the force be with you," he said solemnly.

"Obi Wan?" Hermione asked excitedly.

"I thought it was the Schwartz?" Harry muttered pensively.

Ron shook his head as the old man disappeared. They finished their meal in silence. After a long and horribly awkward silence, Harry, Ron, and Hermione went to bed. The next morning they were off to find and destroy Voldemort.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione had decided to fly their brooms, Hermione riding behind Harry, because Ron was still sour about Hermione's past relationships.

Suddenly next to them an African American man appeared riding a broom. "I have got to get me one of these!" He sped up past them, screaming with delight.

A moment later yet another man appeared riding a broom next to them. "Must go faster, must go faster!"

"Dr. Malcolm!" Hermione squealed excitedly.

He smiled and disappeared.

They entered a large rundown mansion, known in that area as the Riddle house, after it's last owners. They walked upstairs and saw a shadowed figure in the study. They entered to see the figure had it's back to them.

"…Voldemort…" Harry whispered.

The figure turned around to look at them. He was tall, dressed all in black, with a long cape and a helmet covering his face. There was a long intake of breath by him as he looked at the three teens. "Luke…" There was another long intake of breath, "…I am your father!"

"Nooooo!" Harry shrieked. "…Wait, my name's not Luke!"

"Hey Darth, you probably should be going back to your own story, I hear Potter's…" Voldemort began as he entered the study. He stopped when he saw that Harry was already there.

"Anakin, your breaking my heart!" a young woman said suddenly appearing.

"Padme!" Darth Vader said, staring at the woman. They stared at each other for a moment longer and then disappeared.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged looks of bewilderment and turned back to Voldemort.

Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out something small. He studied it for a second and then looked up at Voldemort with a smug look on his face.

"Hey Voldemort! I think you lost something!" Harry yelled and then tossed the object to him.

Voldemort caught it easily and looked at it. His eyes lit up as he saw it was Slytherin's ring.

"The precious! Give me the precious!" A fowl looking creature, wearing only a loin cloth, demanded and then coughed, "Gollum, gollum!" he began chocking, and something fell out of his mouth into his outstretched hand. "The precious!" he rasped excitedly.

"Smeagol! What have I told you about talking to my friends!" Dobby asked, appearing with a loud crack. He was now wearing a yellow-green Victorian dress, complete with hoopskirt, a pile of seven baseball caps on his head, and a pair of hand-knit socks, one orange with squirrels, and one red with penguins.

"You know him?" Harry asked Dobby.

"Yes, he's my cousin. Now come on Smeagol, let's go shopping! You need to wear something other than that ratty loin cloth!" and with that Dobby grabbed the hand of the screaming creature and disappeared.

"Okaaaay…" Voldemort said, staring at the place where Dobby and Smeagol were. "Is he always that weird?"

"Yea, pretty much…" Harry began. "Wait! We're supposed to be fighting!" he said drawing out his wand.

Suddenly from out of thin air a car appeared. It had two drunk guys and one mostly sober who was the designated driver.

"Can we help you?" Ron asked, slightly confused and surprised to the man in the drivers seat.

"Three cheeseburgers, two large fries, two chocolate shakes, one large coke-" the driver began.

"And some flapjacks!" the drunk guy sitting next to the driver said.

"Too early for flapjacks?" the driver asked.

"Mmmmm… flapjacks…" Voldemort said snapping his fingers, causing a plate of steaming hot flapjacks with a giant wad of melted butter, and a large pool of maple syrup cascading over the edges of the flapjacks to appear in front of him.

Voldemort voraciously devoured his scrumptious feast. Once he had finished, he turned and shouted "Ha! Now you must chase me!" as he ran off.

"Why can't it be follow the butterflies?" a twelve-year-old version of Ron said, appearing out of thin air.

"Wait! I never said that!" Ron said as his younger self vanished, thinking, Wow! Hermione's hot in the future!

"Awww! Ron I forgot how cute you were!" Hermione squealed.

Harry snorted, "Yea, what happened?"

There was a hiss from Nagini, who they had not noticed until then. Harry being the only one there who spoke parseltongue, understood it perfectly, "puberty," He began chuckling very loudly.

Suddenly a man appeared and looked at the snake, fear etched in his features. "Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?"

"Indiana?" Hermione squealed, looking positively delighted. But before she could say more, he had vanished.

"We need to go find Voldemort!" Harry ejaculated, following Voldemort's trail.

"Harry, he could be anywhere," Hermione said, clutching a stitch in her side, trying to catch up. "He probably apparated!"

Harry stopped, she was probably right.

"If I were a Dark Lord, where would I go…?" Ron muttered to himself.

"Ron! Be serious!" Hermione shouted slapping his face.

"No Hermione, I think he's on to something!" Harry said pensively.

"You guys are idiots!" She shouted.

"But we're your idiots!" Timmy Turner and a green-haired fairy said, appearing out of thin air.

"Cosmo! Timmy!" Hermione squealed. They smiled and disappeared.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione began to discuss where Voldemort could have gotten.

Meanwhile, Voldemort had apparated to Lord-of-the-Rings-ville (a.k.a. Middle Earth) He and Saruman were now catching up over tea and scones.

"So, how's London?" Saruman asked.

"Pretty good, except Potter's trying to kill me again," Voldemort said, taking a sip of tea.

"That Potter just doesn't know when to stop!"

"Why don't you get the other's and meet me at Imhotep's," Voldemort suggested, finishing his tea in one gulp. He then apparated to Hamanaptra. Saruman then went about collecting the other baddies from literature and movies.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione, on a whim, decided to go to Hamanaptra. They arrived, unfortunatly, in the middle of one of the League of Extrordinary Baddies meeting. Fortunately they were not seen and hid behind a large statue of Osiris.

"Why is he here?" a man Hermione recognized as Iago, said annoyed. They looked to who he was pointing at, and Ron and Hermione quickly grabbed Harry's shirt to restrain him. Siting diagonally to Iago was Peter Pettigrew.

"Wormtail why are you here?" Voldemort, who was sitting at the head of the table (being the President, and all) asked. "I know for a fact you weren't invited."

"I-I don't know m'lord. I was just making tea and-" he began, clearly lying.

"Crucio!" the man sitting next to Voldemort said, pointing his snake staff at Wormtail.

"Thanks coz," Voldemort said to the man.

"Now for roll call-" Voldemort said, picking up a piece of paper.

"But we know everyone's here!" A large lion with a scar said, playing boredly with a mouse.

"It's protocal! And no eating during meetings!" Voldemort shouted looking deranged. He shuffled his papers, cleared his throat and said, "Now when I say your name, say 'present.' Lord Voldemort?…Present!"

A teenage boy muttered something to himself.

"What was that Riddle?" Voldemort demanded.

"Nothing your highness!" he said in a sarcastically awed voice.

"Imhotep?"

He said something in ancient Egyptian, which they assumed meant 'present.'

"Darth Vader?"

"Present…I don't know why I had to come, I was with Padme…"

"If I wanted an autobiography, I would have asked!" Voldemort said angrily. "Scar?"

"Present."

"Tom Riddle?"

"You know I'm here!" he said through gritted teeth.

"Is Tom Riddle here?" Voldemort asked.

"I already said that you know I'm here!" Tom said even more annoyed than before.

"Do any of you know if he's here? I'm not getting an answer," Voldemort said, purposely provoking his past self.

"I'm here!" Tom shouted, standing up.

"I still don't hear him saying present. I suppose I'll have to mark him absent…" Voldemort was reaching for a red quill.

"Present! You beeeeeeeeep!" Tom yelled, on the verge of reaching for his wand.

"Is that any way to talk to your future self?" Voldemort asked mockingly. "Barbosa?"

"Present."

"Saruman?"

"Present."

"Jafar?"

"Present."

Iago?"

"Present!" the man who had caused wormtail to be kicked out and a parrot on Jafar's shoulder both said.

"Okay, both Iago's are here." He gazed back at his list. "Dolores Umbridge?"

"Present!" an overly sweet and girly voice said. Harry had to be restrained again.

"Queen of Hearts?"

"Present."

Harry had no more patience. He was about to jump out from his hiding place when he felt a hand grasp his shoulder tightly.

Harry turned around quickly.

His eyes got big. "Dumbledore?"

The old man chuckled but shook his head, "No Harry, it's Gandalf, his cousin."

"His cousin?" Harry asked confused.

A man who looked extraordinarily like an older version of Fred... or George if you wish, appeared. "_Irony!_" he shouted, waving his arms.

The authoresses suddenly appeared shaking their heads, "Mr. Stewart..." the three of them then disappeared.

Ignoring what just happened, an elderly man appeared beside Gandalf. "Yes Harry, he is."

Harry looked up and saw that it was Dumbledore. A big grin spread on both their faces.

"I brought reinforcements Harry." Dumbledore informed.

Suddenly about ten other people appeared behind Dumbledore; Harry recognizing a few from the past year.

"Are we ready then Harry?" Gandalf asked.

Harry nodded and they all ran to ambush the meeting.

Voldemort let out an agitated sigh, "Harry! Do you ever quit!"

"Mwahaha! Of course not!" Harry answered.

Then Voldemort noticed Dumbledore standing there.

There was a pop and a man with a half a hideous face and half regular screamed, "Don't you ever die!"

Dumbledore grinned, "No."

Darth Vader pulled back his robes and took out his light saber.

Then everyone on Harry's side; Gandalf, Dumbledore, Aragorn, Gimli, Crimson Chin, Cleft the boy-chin wonder, Rick, Evy, and Obi-Wan pulled out their own light sabers, all except Jack Sparrow and Jonathon who sat up against the wall. Jack pulled out a bottle of rum from his pocket and took a swig and then handed it to Jonathon; they were ready for the show.

The baddies all pulled out their light sabers also.

Then two girls appeared, one on the baddies side and the other on the good team.

"Bring it!"

"It's already brought!"

And then they disappeared again.

Then everyone started fighting and it was chaotic.

Suddenly in the middle of it a short man with a tall hat appeared and said, "Why is a Raven like a writing desk?"

All stared at him, very confused until he disappeared with a shrug when no one answered.

Then the fighting was on again.

When most of the baddies had been eliminated or had disappeared most of the good guys kept their attention on Voldemort.

Unfortunately Voldemort swung around and sliced the Crimson Chin in half.

Then, out of nowhere a man appeared and said, "I think thou art an ass." And then was gone again holding the Crimson Chin's remains.

Darth Vader, Ihmotep, Saruman, Umbridge (who was surprisingly not dead yet), Jafar (who was Voldemort's cousin), and Voldemort were left on the baddie's side.

After a long and treacherous fight with losses on both sides, Harry and Voldemort were separated from the rest to finish what had been ordained.

"Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Harry Potter," Voldemort said, his wand drawn on the emotionally unstable teen. They began circling each other, wands out.

"What?" Harry asked panicked, after all, he had seen Star Wars…

"I am your-" Harry was beginning to look scared at what would come next, "father's brother's nephew's cousin's former room-mate."

Harry stopped in his tracks, "And that makes us…?"

"Absolutely nothing. Which is what you are about to become. Prepare to die!"

"I don't think so! _Avada Kedevra!_" Harry pointed his wand at Voldemort and nothing happened.

"You can't even do an unforgivable?" Voldemort asked mockingly. "I guess Severus wasn't lying when he said you were inept!"

Harry felt a surge of hate flow through his veins, he gave Voldemort his best death-glare.

"We're not so different you and I…" Voldemort stated.

With that Harry rose his wand and pointed it at Voldemort's heart, "_Avada Kedavra!_" A flash of green erupted from Harry's wand and went pelting at Voldemort. When the light had diminished, Vodemort was gone.

Harry climbed into the adjacent chamber, where all of the good guys were standing.

Jack stood up and applauded drunkenly. Jonathon stood looking somewhat terrified after being aimed for a couple of times. But quickly shook that off and said, "I say, bloody good show chaps! And did I panic? I think not!"

Suddenly a small child appeared riding a tricycle, he stared at the wreckage and shrieked, "That was so totally wicked!" before riding off on his trike.

The end... Or is it?

Nope! It's not the end... yet! The authoresses appeared again. The blonde-haired one was staring intently at Ron, who had a look of utter horror on his face. The burnette shook her head, "Kelp, you're pathetic! Now we need to end the story. You can get Ron's nose later!" Ron fainted, and Harry began laughing hysterically, and was slapped by Hermione. Then they all went to their respective stories.

Now it's the end!


End file.
